Past Memories
by LLJP
Summary: A trip to the pub with Martha’s brother and sister becomes an eye opener for Martha about the Doctor. And what her future could hold.


Summary: A trip to the pub with Martha's brother and sister becomes an eye opener for Martha about the Doctor. And what her future could hold.

Rating: T for some mild language and suggested adult themes

Spoilers: Doomsday, The Daleks' Masterplan, possible small spoilers for series 3.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's note: I know Martha hasn't actually been on TV yet but I've had this in the back of my mind for a while.

" When I offered you the chance to travel in time and space, I did not expect to end up going to a pub with your brother and sister. Don't get me wrong, they're nice but my idea of a Friday night is not going to a pub in 21st Century London." The Doctor said leaning against a wall in Martha's room.

Martha glanced at him. He was acting like a 5 year old who had just been told they weren't allowed sweets and looked a bit like some of the boys who ended up at A&E after trying to impersonate _Jackass_. Messy hair, scowl, folded arms and crumpled clothes, just minus the broken limbs.

" Call me British but I'd rather go to the pub than blow up Daleks." Martha said.

" I do not spend my Friday nights blowing up Daleks!" The Doctor said hotly.

" Yeah, yeah, anyway you're not going to wear that suit are you?" Martha asked.

The Doctor pouted.

" And why would I not?" The Doctor asked.

" It's a pub." Martha replied.

She stood up and noticed his glasses poking out his pocket. She walked over and pulled them out.

" And you're definitely not wearing these." Martha said.

" What if I need to read something?" The Doctor asked.

" It's a pub, not a library." Martha replied.

The Doctor scowled.

" If you weren't so skinny, I'd get Leo to lend you some clothes." Martha said grabbing her coat.

" I'm not skinny!" The Doctor protested.

" Then what are you?" Martha asked, a smirk across her lips.

" I'm…I'm…I'm…slender." The Doctor said lamely.

Martha laughed.

" Your so lame sometimes. Come on we better get going."

" Why not try and get a girl tonight mate? Someone else you can do something with in that box of yours other than my sister." Leo suggested.

Martha whacked her brother on the arm.

" We get up to nothing of the sort." Martha said.

" I've never got up to _anything_ of the sort in my beloved ship. Although I cant say the same for Barbara and Ian. Or Ben and Polly." The Doctor said.

" Don't worry Doc, if you don't get a girl in that box of yours tonight, I'm sure I can fill in." Tish grinned.

Tish, Leo and Martha burst out laughing. The Doctor just looked a mixture of shock and fright.

" See ya in there sis." Leo said before he and Tish went in.

Martha remained outside. The Doctor was rooted to the spot looking slightly scared.

" Don't worry, I think she was joking. Well I hope she was. Anyway no science talk, stick to my cover story and no sneaking back for TARDIS tinkering." Martha told him.

The Doctor nodded, still looking scared and the two of them went into the pub. Martha was instantly pounced upon by her friends. The Doctor slipped by and sidled up to the bar. He flopped onto a barstool.

" Whiskey. Large."

The Doctor stared into his drink. They had been in there for hours and the noise was really doing his head in.

" Vodka and Tonic." A girl said slipping onto the stool next to him.

The barman handed her a glass.

" £2.50 love."

She handed him a few coins and turned to the Doctor.

" You alright?"

" I'm fine. Just rather be elsewhere."

" Know the feeling. I'd rather be at home watching the _LOST_ box set but our Martha's back."

" Yeah sorry for taking her away like that."

" Don't worry, first time she's looked that happy since the Josh Gellar incident."

" Josh Gellar incident?"

" Oh I s'pose you don't tell your new bloke about your exes."

" Whoa, wait a minute. There's nothing going on between me and Martha. Nothing at all.

" Oh sorry, just she disappears with some bloke, tongues wag."

" Yeah I know. Happened more than once."

" I'm Lily by the way."

" The Doctor."

" Strange name. Anyway where you from?"

The Doctor paused for a moment, pondering if to tell the truth just to see her reaction.

" Gallifrey."

She looked at him puzzled.

" Is that up North?"

The Doctor laughed.

" You could say that."

As he spoke to Lily he couldn't help but remember one of his first conversations with Rose in his last body. He felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned round.

" You chatting up my bird?" A bloke asked.

" No were talking." The Doctor replied.

" Is that so?"

" Honestly Derek we were just talking." Lily said.

Derek ignored her.

" Maybe we should take this outside." Derek said to the Doctor.

Martha tugged on Leo's sleeve.

" Do something."

Leo walked up to Derek.

" Come on mate he wasn't doing anything. Maybe you should go home."

The Doctor drained his glass.

" Don't worry I'm going."

He headed for the door and left. Martha glared at Derek.

" Well done!" She yelled.

She stormed out after him. She cursed when she realised when it was bucketing down. She saw the Doctor walking off in the distance. She ran after him trying not to slip in her shoes.

" DOCTOR!" She yelled.

He stopped and turned to face her. Through the black sky and the pouring rain she could barely see him.

" I can't do this Martha."

" Cant do what?"

" I'm not want you want. I can't be your boyfriend. I can't do all the domestic stuff."

Martha looked at him confused.

" I don't want that. I want adventure and friendship."

" I can't be your friend."

" What are you talking about?"

" I did all the domestic stuff with Rose. I put up with her family, Mickey the bloody idiot. Had people mistake me for her boyfriend. And where is she now? I can't do this again. The domesticity and banter. It's too painful."

" I'm not asking for the domestic stuff. I want us to be friends!"

" But I cant! I can't get too close to you!"

" Why not? Give me on damn good reason why you cant Doctor?"

She stared into his eyes; they were so full of regret and pain.

" Because I'll lose you."

Martha looked at him stunned.

" What?"

" Everyone I have cared or loved has left me. And I've had to live with it. So many centuries I've walked and every one of those centuries I've lost someone. If they've fallen in love, decided to stay and help someone, been forced to leave me or died. If they've left voluntarily or not. Every time it hurts saying goodbye. The amount of people I've travelled with and cared about think how much that hurts. Imagine having to lose everyone you've cared about, everyone you've ever loved. Promising someone you would keep them safe and then you fail them. Try and imagine someone saying they'll stay with you forever and in the end they have to tell you they love you through a crack between two universes! Have you ever done that?" The Doctor yelled.

Martha stared at him speechless unable to tell if he was crying because of the rain. She knew though she was on the verge of tears. She finally found her voice.

" I've worked in a hospital. I've promised people I would keep them alive and they've died." Martha stammered.

The Doctor laughed hollowly, which scared Martha a little.

" If it were only that simple. I'm not talking about people you barely know. I'm talking about a friend. A relative. Someone you really care about. Why don't I tell you a story?"

Martha could see the sadness and regret in his eyes had been replaced by darkness. His voice had become low and dangerous, like when he talked to the Daleks.

" Doctor you're scaring me." Martha said trying to be as calm as possible but failing miserably.

" SHALL I TELL YOU NOT A STORY OR NOT?" The Doctor practically screamed.

" Yes!" Martha cried out.

" A handmaiden started to travel with me and my friend. When I say travelled I practically kidnapped her. My friend had been injured and she caring for him. I took her into danger. And I couldn't help her. As much as I tried, I couldn't save her and she died. She was an innocent young girl. She wasn't even out of her teens. She laid absolute trust in me. She laid her life in my hands. And I failed her. I might have not actually killed her with my bare hands but if it hadn't been for me she would still be alive in her time stream."

Martha sniffed back the tears.

" But Doctor I'm not going anywhere."

" That's what Rose said. And Sarah. And Jo. And Zoe. And Jamie. And my little Susan. In the end they all did if they wanted to or not."

" Nothing lasts forever Doctor. You have to take life as it comes. Opportunities come and go. You have to seize them with both hands and make the most of them."

Martha could tell now the Doctor was crying.

" I don't want to lose you Martha. I miss Rose so much. But you're looking out for me. Being a friend. That's what I need most. And I cant help but worry that's someone's gonna take that away from me in the future as it's happened with everyone I've ever cared about."

Martha walked up to him and took her hands into his.

" We're standing right here. In the pouring rain. Right now. In about 20 minutes we'll get into a taxi. We'll get back to the TARDIS. Dry off, eat and rest. Then tomorrow we'll go visit or save some planet. Probably. It's impossible to know what the future will be. Time machine or not. I don't care about the past. Or the future. And neither should you. We're living in the present. Not the past, not the future. And right now I want to have adventure. And to have it with you. Stuff the future. We both know that one day somehow I'll leave you. But what's the point of life if we spend it reminiscing about the past or worrying about the future. We have to live for now."

She squeezed his hands, smiled and dropped them.

" I'm gonna call a taxi 'k?" She said pulling out her mobile.

The Doctor smiled.

" I knew there was a reason why I picked you. Not only do you have a way with words but you have the number for a taxi firm in London on your phone."

The both laughed. The Doctor held out his hand and Martha gladly took it.

" Come on. Let's go home." The Doctor said.

And they walked off into the pouring rain.


End file.
